Before I Knew Better
by Queen of the Nazgul
Summary: This is my first Song Fic. It's about Snape who, because of his connection with dear dear Voldie, loses the person he loves.


Before I Knew Better  
  
(A/N: I own the plot. I got the idea when I heard the song. Maybe it's because I feel sorry for Snape. He is so cold and bitter. Anyway I dont own the song. It is sung by Brad Martin Written by Bryan Simpson and David Lee. © Big Tex Music/Lucky Thumb Music. From "Wings Of A Honky Tonk Angel", © 2002, Sony. I dont own Snape or any other Harry Potter character. Those are owned by J. K. Rowling. I own Gwen. Ok I think thats it. Sorry if I missed anything tell me. Flames will be used to heat my room!)  
  
No-on thought that I'd jump off that rocky ledge,  
So I did, and I broke my leg.  
And I let Jim Beam tell me I could take some guy,  
Twice my size, but ol' Jim lied.  
I can't pretend that I ain't been my life's own wrecking crew,  
And I'm surprised that I survived all I put myself through.  
  
Serveus Snape sat behind his desk gradeing the latest of Nevile Longbottom's attemps on a potion. He clenched his empty fist slightly as the dark mark on his left arm burned. Letting his hand relax he ignored the burning. How long had it been since he had had this mark? He couldn't remember the time frame. He remembered the time before he had turned to spy on Voldemort, when he had been a loyal follower of You-Know-Who. But only one scream came to his mind. The only scream that had mattered, the one that made him realize what he had done. In his mind he heard their argument and his words hit him, as they did everytime he thought of them, like a ton of bricks and they cuts through him like a knife.  
  
Before I knew better,  
Before I woke up.  
I did a whole lot of crazy, foolish things I'm not proud of.  
It was just like me,  
To risk it all,  
Even when the pain outweighed the pleasure.  
Before I knew better.  
  
Four years. It took four years for him to know truly how much he cared about her. He didn't know what to say that night. Her name was Gwen. She had been a Slytherin a year younger then him. He rose and headed for his room. Once inside he opened his chest that was on the bottom of his bed. Inside were millions of crumpled pieces of paper. All of which were letters he had started. He picked one up that he had wrote that morning. It simply said hello, how are you, and I'm doing fine. He then signed it and threw it in the fire. How could he say he was sorry for killing her mother. He could tell you how: he couldn't.  
  
You were the first to ever make me want to change,  
My reckless ways, and I almost did.  
But somehow I lost track and wound up giving in,  
to the late night life and the good time friends.  
You swore to me one day you'd leave and all I had to say,  
Was: "There's the door, whatcha waiting for and who need you anyway?"  
  
Snape had about given up on Voldemort. Him and Gwen wear getting along great. Until she told him that she knew it was him that killed her mum for being a Riddle.  
"I though you told me you weren't with him anymore! You lied to me?!" she had yelled.  
"Yeah I did! Better! I didn't know it was your Mum!" Serveus shivered remembering his words.  
"I swear Serveus Snape! I'll leave one of these days! I should listen to my famliy! I do deserve better then you!" Gwen's voice seemed to echo in his mind at the words. She did really. But he had been so mad at himself for going back on his word.  
"Yeah! You've said that before too! You never have!" he had snaped back. Then the door slamed and he never saw her again.  
  
Before I knew better,  
Before I woke up.  
I said a whole lot of crazy, foolish things I'm not proud of.  
It was just like me,  
To risk it all,  
Even when the pain outweighed the pleasure.  
Before I knew better.  
  
He sighed and sent her a letter asking how she was. He thought nothing of it for the next two days but then she replied.   
  
Dear Professor Serveus Snape,  
I still think you are the ugliest git alive! You killed my mum. I can't forgive you for that. I have a life here in Ireland. I don't want to ever see you again. I hope you understand. I know that this letter is tear stained but it was seventeen years ago! I would maybe think differntly if you had talked to me before now. But you didnt. Goodbye.  
Gwen  
  
Girl I pray somehow, someway,  
We can turn this thing around.  
I though you love was something,  
I could live with out.  
  
He wrote back what his heart told him. How he loved her still. How he missed her. And he got a reply. He quickly opened it. But his heart stoped as he read it.  
  
Before I knew better,  
Before I woke up.  
I did a whole lot of crazy, foolish things I'm not proud of.  
It was just like me,  
To risk it all,  
Even when the pain outweighed the pleasure.  
Before I knew better.  
  
"No," he whispored in shock, "It cant be."  
  
Before I knew better.  
  
"No!" Serveus yelled throwing the letter into the fire.  
  
Before I knew better.  
  
He put his head in his hands letting a tear fall. Then he looked up eyes colder then ever.  
  
Before I knew better.  
  
That day in class the Gryffindors knew from the start they were dead. Normally the can see when Snape was mad but today he had no emotion. Ron droped a potion's bottle and lost two hundred points for his house. He even took points from Slytherin. After class he watched the fire. Gwen was dead. And he knew who had killed her. "Now what?" Serveus voiced aloud, "what to do now?"  
  
((A/N: I was wondering if I should have Gwen die or get married. I didn't want to hurt poor Snape that much so I had her die. If anyone thinks I should write a sequle give me ideas who should have killed her and what Serveus should do. I will read them and think about them too. I think this is really sad so if a few people think I should I could bring her spirit back or her back completly. Flames will be used to heat my room lol.)) 


End file.
